On April 16th it will be 4 years since I was taken off work to incubate. I had 7 weeks to myself and then my new job began. It has been the most challenging job I have ever had. I’m not sure I was truly meant to be a stay at home mom but I wanted the best for them and when the girls were preemies, and Claire was an infant, that was me. My idea of what it was all about was not at all what it turned out to be…and I knew it wasn’t all donuts and Oprah. I have reached levels of frustration I never thought possible before I had three little ones. I have dreamed about quitting and getting a day job but then I’d come back to reality and realize we weren’t ready and that my ‘work’ was finally paying off in ways I could actually see and believe for myself.

I was also lacking on ideas on what I wanted to do when I went back to work which didn’t help. I have no desire to do what I used to do. I just don’t think it would work with our family. I needed a job I could do from home or close to home and I wanted to work part time, be home at a decent time and most of all not mess up the girls’ lives because I couldn’t hack staying at home with them. Pretty big dreams.

So back in January I started a part time technical writing course. I figured it could be a career that could work for me with my experience. The plan was for me to do the course over the next year and then look for a job that met as much of my criteria as possible. And then a job fell in my lap, with all my criteria. I would be stupid to turn it down.

I start tomorrow. It’s three days a week and very flexible. I will work from home 2 days and go into Toronto on the third. The girls are going to go to the neighbour (who I have been watching watch kids for nearly 3 years now). On the days I work at home I will continue to take Leah and Emma to preschool. The other two days a week I will be home with them.

I am really excited about this. I feel a bit guilty about how excited about it I am but then I think that this will make me a better parent. I need a break and I truly believe all three of them will be fine without me - particularly because home care allows them to stay together. If I didn’t believe that I wouldn’t do it. John’s parents are here this week so I can focus on my first week and not worry about how the girls are adjusting. The true test starts next week.

 I have a whole different perspective going back into the working world - particularly since my job will have to end when I’m back on mom duty. I really hope I like it.